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1.12.2006

the big news in my family is that i called my grandmother today.
it will overshadow everything
my even my mothers nasty little habit.
see,
to me, my grandmother was the living testimony that my parents were unable to care for us.
and she was a threat to my sense of safety.
if not for her....
if not for the money that she was constantly funneling to my mother....
if not for the money that she gave us for christmas and our birthdays....

it will overshadow the macular degeneration that has forced her to give up her beloved car.

my grandmother is the model for "independant woman"
the youngest of 7 children, abandoned by her German mother and raised by another German woman who wasn't as kind as to abandon them.
she raised 3 children on her own, having divorced my Irish grandfather at a time where doing so was considered a sin by the church.
this triggering him to attempt suicide one evening while watching my then 8 year old mother.
she woke up and found him bleeding nearly to death on the bathroom floor.

her youngest son overdosed on heroin and angel dust
at 19
my grandfather died that same year

my grandmother never remarried.
she vacationed alone or with my mothers oldest sister and her family.
my mother and father were too much work.
my family was too much work

so we didn't get much time from her.
just money.
my parents looked toward her visits with dread and complaints
so thats how we saw it.

she is still funding my mothers selfishness and addiction.
the woman can't even see her own check book, she has my aunt write them.

i never had any compassion for this woman who made sure that we were fed and clothed
until today when i could hear the anger under her voice when she said
"don't be too hard on your mother. she is a good person. she just does dumb things"

.: posted by landry 12:18 AM

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