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3.23.2005

the last days have been hard
in a way that im not used to
there are moments of helplessness and this overwhelming sense of uselessness

and the adderall sucks sometimes
a lot
especially at the end of the day when you have been so hyper focused and productive and you are torn from what you are doing prematurely.
it makes me want to throw myself on the floor and have a temper tantrum until the feeling goes away.
its really really awful.
writing is a strain
doing anything other than screaming is work

so im trying to figure out ways through some of these spots.
the easy solution would be more pills
different pills
or a shot of tequilla
but i think that would be a bad habit to start
n'est pas?

so i am keeping at it trying to figure out these few hours.
some days are worse than others
today is a BAD one

until i sat down to stare blankly at blogger for at least 20 minutes
i stood watching Liz cook dinner
spinning and not knowing what to do with myself
and decided that writng something
anything
would be better than rolling around in my head.

the upside of the hyper focus:
i have been making good stuff
REALLY REALLY good stuff.
if i can get it photographed or scanned to my satisfaction
i will start posting it
then
you can buy it for your very own
and keep me from a life of crime.

.: posted by landry 8:05 PM

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