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12.08.2003the state of the water is generally indicative of the amount, or lack of chaos in my life (lets just say that there isn't much lounging in the water in my dreams) Up until i was about 30 i was always being tumbled under the ocean. I grew up at the beach so i know first hand what it is like to get caught in a riptide that comes out of nowhere and getting slammed under the waves and having the breath knocked out of me-and GOOD too. but i always dreamt of ravaging waves and curiously enough, the inevitable pound of sand that would be in the crotch of my bathing suit. but i could always breathe under the water. i would be really scared that i was going to drown and then my practical side would take over and i would remind myself that i could breath under the water and i that all i had to do was swim under the current above in order to keep myself safe from the churning water overhead. and i would. i would dive down as far as i could, near the sand on the bottom and stay there until the waves calmed down. I dreamt about it at least once a month until i was 30. then one night i dreamt that i was sitting on the shore WATCHING the crazy ripping waves and staying clear of the water all together. I made a conscious decision not to even get into the water. i woke up and realized what the dream had signified for me my entire life. last night, i was back in the water. but it was just that fun sort of boogie boarding choppy water. melanie was telling me how to do something. so i closed my eyes to see if i could do it and when i opened my eyes i couldn't find her and i couldn't tell which direction i was facing. i couldn't find the horizon and i couldn't find the shore. there were other people in the water with me and the state of the water hadn't changed and the light was still useable and everyone else was perfectly content. My head was easily above water but still I started to panic. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ and my car got broken into in atl this weekend. if that wasn't bad enough, the person who did it, must have hit an artery on the way through the window. mel says it looks like a murder scene. im selling the car asap. i love that car. a LOT I had all these plans to trick it out this year. 2 invasions in 6 months. the house in July and the car this weekend. in all the years i have lived in NY I have not had to deal with anything like that. and AGAIN i was not there. i was there for 3 WEEKS straight. This was the first weekend that i have been in NY since halloween. and she has to deal with this by herself. .: posted by landry 10:33 AM
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