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7.24.2003

the sensory experience in NY is unlike anywhere else, which, i assume, is why people are drawn here.
i have to be completely overloaded in order to feel satisfied that i am feeling something. so when my brain gets blindsided with really subtle, really strong physical memories, like the ones that you get from smells i am reduced to a sobbing mess.
it happened yesterday while walking down 42nd st. i hate that the trigger is so slight and the recation is so intense. i forgot where i was going. i was 22. it was the day after. i was still floating from a very long night(s) of drugs and dancing and sex, sex like none i have ever had because it was scary and real and dangerous in ways that are less consequential than getting pregnant. i became tied to this person. really tied. the shared experiences of 2 weird kids who families didn't get them and had only a few friends who were as weird as they are. who were much more romantic than they would like to have thought of themselves. romantic enough to feel that these shared experiences would hold down the fort. forever.
the smell that came out of that door when it opened yesterday hit me like a baseball bat. in my gut.
as soon as the door closed i got my wind back.


.: posted by landry 8:58 AM

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