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2.28.2003

when i was a little kid, i had this group of friends. there was a core of like, 5 of us who knew each other from the time we were in 3rd grade. we did all the stuff that little girls do, including backstabbing. i was a pretty sensitive girl but even then tried to act all "butch", so i got a major stockholders share of the backstabbing.

one of them would tell the other one something that i allegedly said or did and all hell would break loose. they would terrorize me. i would always take them back after some AWFUL bout of fighting, the minute one of them would call me to talk or want to hang out i would take them back without a fuss or a question. i guess i thought that something about the friendship was more important than the mean things that they were doing.

i am like that.

i am still like that.

sometimes this is a good thing. it lets me get over the "dumb stuff", like when i have plans with someone and they don't call, i don't HATE them and never make plans with them again. when i am dating someone and they don't behave themselves perfectly, i usually forgive them.

i have a lot of acquaintances but the friends that i have rock my world. i have known them FOREVER and i will NEVER give them up. if we fight we get over it and luckily for me learning my lessons, i don't have any that terrorize me.

but there are times when i let people get away with too much. i know its happening but when i am in the middle of it its easier to have a chat about what happened and let it go than to give up the friendship.

but sometimes its all about giving up the friendship.

i had to do that today.

it's fucked up and you have to rearrange your brain and i hate doing it…that's why i usually just put up with the crap.

so now, i have to rearrange.

.: posted by landry 12:28 PM

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